Christmas 2004

Not long after my last post, my mother-in-law called to say that she was in pain and needed My Prince to come take her to the doctor. He rushed out the door, and I called 911. Thus began an endless day--followed by weeks of confusion as one doctor gave us hope while another dashed them. That cycle continued with an ever changing array of doctors.

On Christmas Eve, she died.

I wasn't there. I went to Houston on the Wednesday after seeing that her worsened condition had been diagnosed as hyperkalemia and dehydration. With hydration, she was already more alert, so I thought it "safe" to go on to Houston to have Christmas with my mother. Two days later, My Prince called to tell me that she didn't make it.

Mama and I went ahead with our Christmas plans. My Prince understood the needs that I was meeting, and he thought he could handle another 24 hours before I could get back to him. So I made sure that Mama had her presents to open and that Santa Claus came to see her. (He always leaves a hefty stocking for this 84-year-old kid.) And, on Christmas Day, we drove to Tomball to have Christmas dinner with an old family friend, who needed us because her own son was so neglecting her. We made our visit a little shorter than planned and returned to Mama's house early enough for me to get the car loaded and hit the road by late afternoon.

There are several things about those days that now occur to me. My mother-in-law and I had already said the important things on the first day of her last illness, when we thought she only had hours to live. I am grateful that there was still more time to be with her, that I could do some small services for her, that I could help My Prince by making sure that the hospital staff spoke to him so that he could read their lips and clarifying things for him when the information seemed garbled. I am grateful that my mother-in-law stayed alive long enough for my brother-in-law to return from Germany. I am grateful that she had enough time to see even her great-granddaughter.

I am also grateful that My Prince and his family have such concern for my mother, who is alone and handicapped. They all knew that she would be miserable if I didn't go to her. And My Prince, prince that he is, stayed strong while he sent me off to have a Christmas without him. It's not the first time that he has put others before himself. It's not the first time that he has recognized that, for old folks, the gift of our time is both appreciated and desperately needed.

Christmas at our house was pared down to the very basics. I stopped decorating as soon as my mother-in-law went into the hospital. I had already done most of my shopping, but I made a special effort to find some goodies at Harbor Freight for My Prince. (It's his favorite shopping place.) Our Christmas dinner together was leftover barbecue. He never had time to buy me any presents. But my best present was the time with him, talking, making arrangements, helping each other get through the funeral, standing by each other.

I grieve for the loss of my mother-in-law, who was a very special woman. I celebrate the goodness of the son she raised, her very best gift to me.